Spring & Summer 2018

Whew. Its been a minute.

Honestly I’ve dissolved fully into the world of adulting. I’m attached to some really big projects at work right now and somehow have become my boss’s emotional support pet. (ah yes, how the tables have turned…) When I come home all I want to do is watch TV and chat nonsensically to Bailey and Lav. It’s not really the most productive use of my time. I still have a lot of problems sleeping so I’m almost in a permanent state of exhaustion. I do feel like I’m slowly getting back to the place I was pre addiction. Maybe I’m having amnesia but I remember being thinner, more motivated and discliplined. I went to the gym 3x a week. I read novels and wrote on this very blog. I diligently recorded my activities in my bullet journal. I dressed cute. I did my make up every day.

I was also miserable and rapidly approaching a bipolar meltdown but thats not really the point.

Anyways I would like to write some extensive photo updates (not in any sequential order) but it will be hidden under the cut. Get ready….

I have been killing it at work, plain and simple. I won a seasonal recognition for participating on the task force that brought down our PDP workflow from 4 to 3 weeks. It may not sound that impressive but its something our team has been trying to do since I started at Bloomies. Currently I’m still leading the consultation on our distribution center photo studio expansion. Mcy has really derailed the proceedings by deliberating on opening their own studio in Tulsa, Oklahoma and subsequently wasting time deliberating on unnecessary nonsense. They should have just listened to us since we have 2+ years experience on this pilot. They really made no attempt at understanding our workflow. They are absolutely spoiled but I think I will get more into that in a separate post. The second massive project I’ve been pulled into is improving our PDP standards and reassessing the process of acquiring information and turning in. As part of this working group we had to present to the executive committee which involves all the GMM’s, head of finance, planning and our CEO. It was extremely nerve wracking but a tremendously huge opportunity for Cole, Rhoda and I to have increased exposure within the company. Its slow goings but I think we are making progress.

I cannot begin to describe my appreciation for Robert and Thea. Since coming back from my medical leave I have become insanely close to both of them. Robert used to work in the merch room and Thea is a copywriter. We initially bonded over smoking but now our friendship extends beyond the shallow 15 min breaks we take every day. We are soooooo intimately close now that we talk about everything from Thea’s messy sex life to Roberts lipo procedure. I bring Thea edibles every time I come back from Seattle and Robert and I discuss our endless obsessions with skincare and fake tanning products. They listen to me when I need to vent my frustrations at work and provide perspective on my own life. I really wonder how my first few years of bloomies would have been different if I had had such close friends during my addiction. Love love love them. Also Robert and Thea gave up cigarettes for vaping. Im in the process of quitting using nicorette. So good for us.

My grandmother Hideko passed away in June. My mom has been taking care of her parents full time for almost four years. I talk to her everyday so I was along for the journey. My grandmother was undergoing dialysis three times a week for kidney failure. She was extremely frail and falling apart physically and mentally. She was ninety fucking three for god sakes. When she finally decided to stop her treatment she declined rapidly. Ultimately she was only doing hospice at home for a few weeks before passing. Surprisingly my aunts actually showed up in the end and helped with the care. They even took turns sleeping over at my grandparents apartment which my mom was dreading. My aunts contributions are definitely appreciated but I dont think it makes up for the years of absence while my mother sacrificed her career, vacations and emotional strength working 7 days a week changing diapers, shuttling her mother to doctors appointments, and cooking/cleaning.

I texted my cousin Alissa who resides in Brooklyn but is moving to England in a few months because her husband is going to study Theology at Oxford. She rearranged her flights and was able to say her goodbyes to Baba. Alissa is the only person in my family who is extremely religious. I think it meant a lot to her that she was able to pray over my grandmother. Im not sure my aunt Laura was really keeping Alissa in the loop about our grandmothers failing health. My grandfather seems to be a bit lost now. Its not like their marriage was full of love and respect, but I think Jiji was so used to my grandmothers presence that her sudden absence is disorienting. My mother isnt sure what is going to happen go forward. For now she is still caring for Jiji but its possible they will hire someone for part time help.

When I heard the news of Baba’s passing, I was in turn in. I took 20 min to hide by my desk and cry and then I pulled it together to get back to running turn ins. I was surprised at my outburst of emotion. My sister and I have been talking on the phone recently as part of this situation.

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