I will be getting the word ‘fate’ on the inside of my left wrist.

This is absolutely unoriginal as I have seen many a fate tattoo, but I don’t really give a fuck as I have wanted it for a long time now. I have several meanings behind it: This is a friendship, fan tattoo with a strong personal connection. Everyone already knows my favorite band is the Veronicas. I like to think they played a critical part in how I grew up in my adolescent years and I love them so so so so much. Lisa and Jess both got tattoos on their wrists when they were about 18 or 19. Jess (and her ex boyfriend) both got the word ‘Love’ and Lisa got the word ‘Fate’. A couple years ago, my wife, Riley, got Jess’s Love on her wrist. Shortly thereafter, I won a contest to go see the girls live in NYC, and Jess caught site of Riley’s wrist and came over to us afterward’s and said it was really cool. Awwwww <3 Ive been waiting to get Fate for a while now. Those are my girls for life.

Personally, I like the concept of fate playing out. I am such a control freak most of the time and its kind of comforting to know that if its meant to be, then it will be. I primarily associate the word fate with love (for aforementioned reasons), but it certainly has been applicable to other agonies. In the end, everything will work itself out for the better.

If I was your girlfriend
I’ll be there for you, if somebody hurts you
Even if that sombody’s me
Yeah-hee (break it down for ‘em)
Sometimes I trip on how happy we could be
And so I put this on my life
Nobody or nothing will ever come between us
And I promise I’ll give my life
my love and my trust if you was my boyfriend
Put this on my life
The air that I breathe in, all that I believe in
I promise I’ll give my life
my love and my trust if you was my boyfriend

I find myself absolutely consumed with my love life right now. It still blows my mind how far I have come. I remember being 19 and walking through New York City and thinking no one noticed I was even there. Even though I had amazing friends and I was constantly surrounded by people, you can feel so completely lonely. And now I have an abundance of attention. I’m definitely not used to this, so its a learning curve on how to direct its flow. Conversations with the personal shopper, Jason, seem to be getting increasingly more intimate, however I told him I refuse to get involved with a coworker. However, he might not be a co worker for much longer…. and then there is this eerie haze surrounding this that reminds of B3.

And then there is the matter of Robert. We had drinks this past week, and he started getting a bit sentimental. I am definitely aware that he thinks of me more then just a friend, but he told me that because he is leaving on Spet 20, he didn’t want to get too close because he gets emotionally attached very quickly. I am not sure why I put him in the dreaded Friendzone so quickly, but for some reason it didnt seem possible for me to think of him romantically. Hmmm but he is a really good friend to me.

I rejoined okcupid briefly. Within a day of rejoining, I had over 30 messages. Yes its a nice ego boost for sure, but its also overwhelming. Also, my stupid web browsing history brought me to a profile I wasnt trying to look at. Oh fucking well. I got two numbers and then ended up deactivating my account in a tipsy rage two days ago. I’m not sure why I feel the need to ward off Jason and Robert right now, but then I’m going to try and meet up with these other guys, but Alice says if it instinctively feels right to do that, then I shouldn’t fight it.

Last night, Riley and I went to see One Day. It was nowhere near as good as the book, but it was still really enjoyable. And it gets me fantasizing and dreaming of having a best friend like that. Someone I should be with, but maybe we arent ready for each other yet. A connection that isn’t purely about lust. Hmmmmmmm. It also makes me feel more positive about visiting Sweden… one day. Oh love, love, love. You are the meaning of life.

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I relate more to the girls at Planned Parenthood then the girls in McCarren Park. Hmmm….. Although I am sure there are a few (like me) who have been to both.

Yesterday I forced myself to get up and go for a run and it felt sooooooooo good. During my time off work and with L, I had basically stopped running. I think those endorphins make a huge difference in calming me down. Some interesting developments recently. I was on facebook chat with that personal shopper until 2am on Sunday night. The conversation got rather intimate and the hilarious thing is we barely spoke to each other the next day. I cant lie, I’m intrigued and I think he is too. I tend to keep my co workers at a distance so it’s odd to have that wall down with him. But it was nice to have someone to listen to me and really understand where I was coming from. Last night, Robert (the German) took me out for ramen and made me forget about everything for the few hours we were hanging out. He is really sweet and so funny. We talked about what his plans are after his internship in NYC ends. He wants me to come visit him in Berlin, which would be amazing because I loved that city. Recently, Scott remarked on my taste for the European guys. I must admit, I find them very refreshing and interesting. Bogdan will go down in my history as the perfect fling.

As I’m always saying, timing is everything. The fact that I met Robert at some random hostel in Dublin in October and now we are bonding in NYC is kind of amazing. Last night was also a reminder of how conversation should flow between two people that are actual friends. I need that witty banter. That’s how it is supposed to be. Hmmmmm. Robert must be my good luck charm because my interview today went really really really well. I need karma for this one because I think it would be everything I was looking for in a position. It seems to me that life wanted me to let some things go, before I was allowed to move forward.

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