Bed of lies

December 21, 2014 5:36 pm


Who the hell needs pants anyways? I dont even know where to start since I took a break from blogging. Been falling in love the past few days…..


Baby Love

December 20, 2014 9:04 am

If you love someone

December 19, 2014 6:40 pm

Love&Fate. My girls for life.

I Have Nothing

December 16, 2014 7:51 pm

Went to a weird HR class called Dealing With Change. Rhoda and Ruth told me it was good to take these little classes because its part of the corporate game and its something I can talk about during my annual review. Delias was such a hot mess shit show that I havent had to think about ‘playing the game’ in years but I was pretty effing good at it in high school and superb in college so I dont think I’ll have a problem with it professionally. You want me to play along with your little expectations? Perception is reality? Yuk it up with the right people? Fine by me, but just be aware that I know exactly what is going on here….

Last night was the bloomies christmas party for creative and marketing. Since it was just one department and therefore a smaller group of people it was a lot more fun than the company wide xmas party. It was held at a photostudio downtown and there was a photographer who would take our pictures and print them instantly for you. Obviously I went a little crazy when I realized they this much more elevated version of a photobooth. I didnt drink at all and ended up having a lot more fun. There were only slight moments of awkwardness when I realized I didnt really belong in any of the existing cliques. At delias I was very popular with (almost) everyone so its weird to feel kind of like a drifter without the safety of an established social network. But Gina dragged me into some photos with her and I got into my groove soon enough. :) Another step in recovery!


Three copywriters and an executuive assistant. Please note that the shy copywriter who sometimes fills in for fine jewelry is on the far left. They took such a cute picture.


People in fashion + photo studios = obsession. Merch room + freelance stylist getting down for the camera.


Ruth and I copying Cole’s signature instagram move bahah. Love it! I havent seen him very much in the past few weeks since he has been so busy wrapping everything up at the studio before the holidays. I showed Cole my stoned selfie from the previous post and he laughed and said I look like an emoji. :)




I’ve gotten really into thigh high stockings again. Used to love them in highschool ;) I’m not posting the tarty photos of me lifting up my skirt because I think its encouraged people to try and get clever with their proxies…. and it still hurts. I have nothing. (Except maybe my integrity. And a toned ass. And a spicy wit that some of ya’ll clearly miss.)

This morning I watched Kevin Costner’s speech at Whitney Houston’s funeral. Don’t ask me why. The Bodyguard is one of my favorite movies. For many reasons: My mother loves it? Interracial couple? The most epic love song of all time? (I often like to toy with the idea of who should be in the remake) But what really stuck with me from Kevin Costner’s emotional and very genuine stories about Whitney is when he mentions her struggle to be ‘good enough’ throughout her career and how that played a big part in her eventual addiction problems. Something to keep in mind during my own ongoing journey with trying to feel like myself again. I’ll be singing the Dolly Parton version of I Will Always Love You until the bitter end.

DISCLAIMER: I wrote the below under the influence

I’ve been having this weird feeling in the pit of my stomach recently…. He’s in Seattle. He’s in Seattle and he’s looking for me. And he cant find me. Because I’m not there. HE’s LOOKING FOR ME AND IM NOT THERE!!!! …… I’m probably just making shit up. Why Seattle? Just because I’m from there? And its in my DNA? Why not Houston? Or Kyoto? Or Rio? Prior to 2011 I never even thought about Stockholm like EVER and look what happened with that (actually dont look because its still too sad). But for some reason my gut says Seattle right now. Its kind of a tragic thought: that he’s looking and I’m not even there. Well, Love&Fate ya’ll. He will find me eventually: somehow and someway. And when he does…… it’s going to be so wonderful. *le sighhhhhhhh* My partner. I wonder what he smells like? I wonder how his laugh sounds? I wonder what future we would create? I wonder if he will give me kisses on the top of my head like I’ve always wanted? I wonder how it will feel to know he loves me as much as I love him? I wonder……If everything could ever feel this real forever, If anything could ever be this good again?


December 15, 2014 2:16 pm


Look how beautiful my record player is! *sighhhhhhhh*


Soooooooo I smoked a bowl last night in an effort to stop myself from stealing shannon’s painkillers. And this is the selfie I took hahahahahhahahhaa. Last time I smoked was in September and I texted josh quotes from Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner because i thought they were sooooooo funny (hello? I was high?) He quickly turned that conversation into something else entirely and then decided to be so incredibly mean to me thus inciting that anxiety attack I filmed. It certainly put me off smoking weed for a while. I was just trying to be friendly and silly and somehow it turned into Miya is a bitch/whore. :(

Well last night wasnt like that at all. I managed to do my laundry although I felt like every single person was starting at me and judging me for being slow to get my clothes out of the dryer hahahah. I guess I do get paranoid when I smoke. And then I proceeded to drink a strawberry milkshake and watch the Netflix series Lilyhammer.


I guess I just really like Netflix affiliated shows because I found this hysterical!! My uncontrollable giggling could also be related to the weed. Lilyhammer is about a mobster-turned-witness moves to Norway hide from his enemies. In the first episode he is given his new identity as Giovanni Hernrikkson and I was just dying of laughter. I should finish watching season one sober and see if I do actually like it as much as I think I do.


Marilyn Manson is putting out some new music. Glad to see that he enjoys Korean sheet masks as much as I do <3 Hes probably moisturized and glowing under there. Sarah told me he has a reoccurring role on this seasons Sons of Anarchy in which he plays a white supremacist in prison. Sounds like an amazing part for him. Then she told me Courtney Love had a guest spot too and I was sold. Sarah wants me to start watching from the beginning but there is no way in hell I am going to do that. I’m so weird about TV. I still haven’t finished the Carrie Diaries or Twin Peaks (both of these were way better in season one). Mehhh I’ll get around to it eventually. I just want more Peaky Blinders.

Did you miss me?

December 14, 2014 10:56 am

You slipped up bae. It’s alright. I forgive you.

You’re gone and I gotta stay
High all the time
To keep you off my mind

High all the time
To keep you off my mind

Spend my days locked in a haze
Trying to forget you babe
I fall back down
Gotta stay high all my life
To forget I’m missing you

Literally hit that point where I found Shannon’s prescriptions in her room and took some without her knowing. #thatsanalltimelow

Om det är någon tröst så är jag ensammare än dig.

Cat lady

December 13, 2014 10:48 pm




Pugsley standing on me during volunteer shift today.


Christmas Parties

December 12, 2014 11:05 pm


IMG_2213 IMG_2221

Party looks! Got mega compliments on my lippy. Diva by Mac. Still rocking it seven years post prom night.


Beth had a christmas party at her apartment in park slope. It was the most legit holiday party I have ever attended. There was home made mozarella and latkas and raspberry cake and chicken and waffle sliders!!! They had a hot chocolate bar and a fully stocked little bar and a four foot tall tree covered in a popcorn garland!!! I was so thoroughly impressed! I got to catch up with some Delias people. Its actually really fascinating learning about the demise of the company. I guess after the liquidation process there is still a possibility that some one might buy the corporation and attempt to resurrect it with an entirely new staff and image. I spoke a lot with S.Lam who was doing PDM for the RTW cateogries before she was laid off. Shes 32 and kind of panicking about her lack of job and how little unemployment is, but she was also really smart about it and has money saved up. She has enough to pay her rent through february when her lease is up in which case she might move back to Jersey and put all her stuff in storage. At least she HAS a contingency plan. It sort of made me realize how much I need to get my shit together in 2015. I am determined to pay down my credit card and start an emergency fund just like Suze Orman is always saying!!! I’m 25 now and I need to be more responsible!!!

S.Lam said she might have some painkillers laying around and we might do an exchange. She cant sleep due to her stress levels and I told her I would give her muscle relaxers in exchange for percocet/vicodin. Hopefully she can dig something up for me!!


I surprisingly dont have the urge to get high tonight! Maybe because I am so cold? The heat and hot water shut off again. Ughhhh and I have the apartment to myself until Tuesday! I watched my Dirty Dancing Havana Nights DVD and drooled over the sexiness that is Diego Luna. He’s like a young latin bruce springsteen!! When I saw this movie in high school all my girls loved it so much that we all bought the soundtrack which is sooooo good. I think I carried around my school binder with magazine pictures of diego luna all over it for an entire year. (this was obviously pre shia labeouf/jared leto obsession) Cue sexy selfies under the cut:


Things I Dont Need: Hair Accessories

December 11, 2014 3:38 pm

Just some things I might possibly waste my money on in an attempt to fill that endless void in my soul.


How beautiful would this rosegold clip look with my hair?!? Its so minimalist bad ass. Found this at The Beauty Department!


Beth and I had tried to develop the concept of hair stickers when we were at Delias after seeing them on the runways, but none of our vendors could source it at the time and then we just gave up since there were five million other things we had to do. Now of course they carry these iron on gems at Nasty Gal and Nordstrom. I think they would be perfect for New Years Eve or a wedding to my credit card company.


Love that they are selling Regal Rose on Free People’s website. These look sooooo effing cool. But when do I ever cornrow my hair??

Christmas Cards

December 10, 2014 8:03 pm

Pictures from our christmas cards photoshoot!





Shot at the terraces by Bethesda Fountain in Central Park. I am so happy Sarah suggested this!!! We are going to send a christmas card to Laura in Paris! :)


Today we had our corporate christmas party at the Copacabana (?????). I was sufficiently anti social and awkward. Rhoda thrives in these kinds of situations. She seems to know the whole effing company and all the executives seem to know who she is too. I sort of tailed after her radiating discomfort and negativity. Somehow Cole managed to get out of going which seems really unfair. This was completely different from the christmas parties at delias where everyone was so relaxed and casual and we all know each other probably too intimately. Bloomies really is very corporate. Christian was wearing a suit for gods sake. He leaned in and gave me a hug/kiss which was very nice of him. He seems quite used to these environments which is admirable. I actually know a LOT of people on the dot com side of the company considering I have only been there for four and half months. I mainly chatted with the copywriter girls and then found Carol Ann. I just hate being forced to socialize against my will. Chad seems hell bent on being friends with me which I don’t understand at all. Just because I took his spot on the project planning team doesnt really mean we have anything in common. He told Carol Ann that he thought my greeting towards him was ‘unenthusiastic’. Why doesn’t he just leave me alone?! It’s like the more I avoid him the more he tries to corner me. I cant help it that he basically embodies everything I dislike about straight guys. I do feel bad that he is 28 and in the middle of a horrible divorce in which his ex (who was from Israel and clearly married him just for the citizenship) is trying squeeze alimony out of him, but still. I wish he would leave me be. And he needs to think before he speaks. They had a giant banquet of food and a candy bar upstairs. Nothing looked more unappetizing to me than that UFO sized plate full of paella. Whatever it was fine. I had a beer and left at 5pm.


Omgomgomgomgomg. The real reason I wanted to leave early was so I could play with my new record player!!! I am obsessed! It looks like a little patterned suitcase and its soooooo cute!!! I am going to house it on my dresser for now. Vinyl is like magic!!! :D I love that the 1975 album is clear!! Before purchasing this, I sought advice from my father regarding record players. He basically told me it was a huge waste of money hahahah which it is. Talk about completely unnecessary. I told him that now he can leave me his vast record collection! Luckily Aimee’s boyfriend is a music producer and is well versed in the realm of audio equipment. He confirmed with me that many people are pretentious dicks about the Crosley brand, but that I shouldnt listen to their reviews. What I liked about this player (besides how fucking adorable it is) was that it had built in speakers so I didnt have to buy any accessories. Obviously the speaker quality isn’t stellar but for a lightweight like myself, its the perfect starting point!! I think I can hook it up to my laptop too somehow, although I’m not sure why I would want to. It’s nice that I could ask Chris stupid questions like this. Sometimes I want a male opinion.


Cosmo writes headlines that are relevant to my life. The list of what Miya wants in an ideal mate continues…. #foreverdancingalone