I am twitterpated. And its not even March. I cant believe how much I am looking forward to seeing Adam tomorrow. Part of me is still clutching on to my sadness like its that red string of fate keeping me linked to ES. And part of me knows I am moving on….. When something has been defining you for so long what does it even look like on the other side? All I know is that so far Adam has said exactly the right thing. He listens. He pays attention. He understands me. And he is completely not what I thought I would want: an older white guy with not a single tattoo who still skateboards and who’s only trip outside the country was to Canada? He doesnt even have an iphone!!!! He is so intriguing to me. He sent me flawless cat selfies. He could tell I was an introvert because he is one himself. I’m different now after my experience with ES. I’m a different Miya…. But the scent of love still makes me dizzy. I can feel that hope creeping back in on me…. I cant believe it.
Wednesday I went to craft night at Fox House and we painted cupcakes. That white glitter on the top looks like precum to me. :D
Okay you knew it was coming: a post dedicated to one of the most pivotal female characters of my childhood: Nomi Malone from Showgirls. Its funny because I’ve started seeing a lot of blogs writing about Nomi as a feminist icon of the non traditional sense. I think the movie has finally crested from pure camp to legendary cult status and along with that comes a whole new respect for the costumes and overall production. I guess for me, it was just about raw female sexuality plain and simple. Sure its bordering on pornographic, but Elizabeth Berkley fucking owned it with one of the sickest bodies I have ever seen. She could dance, she had curves, and she was naturally beautiful, but why not just send it straight over the top with red pasties and tranny make up?!?
I think everyone in the fashion industry knows this line. Oh Nomi, kyle maclachlan thinks your designer ignorance is adorable!
Its times like these that I literally just love the internet. I’m sure you have all weighed in so far on Buzzfeed/Twitters dramatic debate about the colors of the above dress. When Sarah first showed me the above picture I immediately answered that the dress was white and gold. An hour later though I could only see it as black and blue!!! A quick poll of all my friends revealed total inconsistencies. My mother said, “All I can see is ugly.” Adam, who is currently in the lead for Miya’s affection, had the exact same response I did: his immediate response was white and gold. Apparently we have the same brain glitch. Probably because we really are soul mates.
This morning I just showed Mike, the head retoucher at work, the photo and asked him what color it was. His response? “Its a white dress that looks blue due to the poor lighting!” A very heated debate ensued as two other retouchers, and a copywriter got involved. I am just dying because its so funny. I should have posed the question to Mike like this, “Hey can you color correct this dress to blue?” which is something I’ve asked him like 5,000 times. Bahahaha. Love my co workers. Only a twang of sadness because I bet he would think this is funny too…. Sharing laughs with my ghost in my head….
I’ve been having a shite time battling things out between my insurance company and my counseling center. All of my therapy with my third therapist has been billed incorrectly and its costing me a TON of money. I have been back and forth with Karen in billing and various Cigna reps for the past two weeks and nothing is getting resolved. I called the director of Blanton Peale today and told her I will have to cease all treatment since I am being cheated out of my coverage. Obviously I dont want to stop therapy but I cant afford to keep going somewhere that is fucking everything up on the back end. Last week there was this irate gentlemen who was going off on the receptionist about how his paperwork wasnt done correctly. He was totally inappropriate, scary and bullying this woman who had nothing to do with the mistake anyways!! Yet I can see how the frustration builds. We are sick. And the people that are supposed to be helping us are creating more stress and chaos in our lives. Its fucking ridiculous. They eventually called the police and security escorted the man out. I wont cause a scene like that but I do feel like crying to release all of this pent up anger. I have insurance!!! Why am I having to go through this????
Additionally our apartment is suffering from our broken down boiler which decides to sporadically shut off thus leaving us with no heat or hot water. Its terrible. You never know if you will be able to shower and look presentable for work. They seem to have fixed the problem but now the heater in my room is letting off so much steam that I am having that rainforest problem from last year. There is so much humidity condensing on my windows and walls that mold started to grow everywhere. Any time I have to deal with my moronic super Chris or the equally as stupid management company I pretty much go into hostile mode. They both just suck so much at maintaining our building and the worst is having to listen to their excuses. Basically Chris blames everything on the management company and the management company blames everything on chris. Apparently they cannot fire Chris because he is in the military and has all these special protections. He gave me SO much attitude yesterday that I just texted him, “Hows the job search going?” Like seriously. Do us a favor and just quit if you hate failing at your mediocre life. Ugh I’m such a bitch but I have dealt with this no heat/hot water ENOUGH. Just replace the fucking boiler!!!!!
Thank god I went to pilates tonight. Becca was so sweet and listened to me vent all of my frustrations. She also gave me some really good wisdom regarding Chris (the Trinidadian). She thinks I just need to take it slow and be patient with myself. Building that connection takes time. And she has reaffirmed that long standing mantra: when you know, you know. Personally, I know when I know I’m obsessed….. And I certainly know when I’m in love with someone. That has been made clear to me through the whole saga of Miya’s Sadness. But I guess I havent experienced what she is talking about specifically. What exactly will I know? lolz. That I should continue dating this person? That this person is my mate for life? I often debate this next point in my own head but I think I am finally landing on MY TRUTH of this situation: with ES, my female instinct really was right: I asked him to step up to the plate and tell me what I needed to hear because I didnt know. I feel like that anxiety was swirling around in like stomach acid: I didnt know. I Didnt Know. I DIDNT KNOW. When its not like the movies, that’s how it should be. It really was just like the movies up until all that uncertainty culminating in my meltdown of September 2013. Anyways thank god for Becca and squeezing on pilates rings until your inner thighs burn. Tonight things were set into solid, simple perspective. #Oneday I will know. Heres some pictures now….
I’ve been facetiming with my sister a lot. She has been a huge source of comfort for me in the past few weeks. And seeing my nephews, Simon and Yuko is sooooooo nice. Its amazing how calming they can be even through a computer screen.
I think you can guess…
Todays outfit. I got this $255 Rebecca Minkoff leather backpack for free at work last week. I wasnt convinced but I took it anyways and now I love it as a commute bag!!!
You wish you were as fucking cool as Lanny. <3 You can almost taste the good karma emanating from his hotness.